Somebody help me please?
by TheatreKidAtHeart
Summary: Sam attempts suicide but will somebody save her in time? Lily has a secret but will she help Sam and overcome her own problem? Only time will tell but time is running out. Samantha Nicholls and Lily Chow are mains in this fanfiction. TRIGGER WARNING: There are themes of violence, self harm and suicide throughout this.
1. I'm not weak!

'I'm done, fucking done,'' she shouted at herself in the mirror. Her ash blonde hair scraped back into a tight ponytail and her face covered in tear tracks and mascara lines. Samantha Nicholls had been crying. Not just crying, uncontrollably sobbing for several hours. She was wearing her scrubs, even though she'd finished work 4 hours ago.

She felt extremely worthless, unworthy of being a doctor. She felt like she couldn't do anything right- not anymore. Sam grabbed a baby wiped from her desk and wiped away the tears in an attempt to hide the fact that she had emotions. Crying made her weak. Weak and pathetic.

Sam rolled up her sleeve and let her fingers run along the small tattoo on her wrist. 'Never give up.' Same wanted to do the exact opposite. As images flashed in her mind of the previous night, she began to panic and reached for the knife at the side of her desk. She held it in her hand for a short while. Then something snapped inside of her. She pressed down as hard as she could and dragged it across her skin. Blood oozed out of her left arm, creating a dark red puddle beneath her. She instantly felt dizzy.

In search of a bandage Sam opened the top draw to her desk. She saw the 30 packets of Paracetamol. She wrapped the bandage around her arm and began to work out the maths in her head.  
30 packets of paracetamol which is 480 tablets. That's 240 grams. Sam weighed 67kgs, which meant she would have 3570.08mg per litre. Well over the 79 mark that's considered a fatal dosage. This meant without any intervention Sam would definitely die.

One by one Sam put each tablet into her mouth and swallowed. One by one she swallowed them until she'd taken 300. Feeling slightly drowsy, Sam started to panic.


	2. Samaritans can I help you?

SHM chapter 2

Sam had treated thousands of suicidal patients before. She knew her SADPERSONS score would be around a 9. Scared she took out her mobile phone. 8 missed calls. 3 voicemails.  
Zoe Hanna 2  
Lily Chow 3  
Tom Kent 3  
You have 3 new messages. Message one '' Hi Sam, it's Lily. I know I'm probably the last person you want to speak to but please let me know your okay'' message 2  
'Hi Sam, it's Lily again please ring me back I'm getting really worried'' message 3  
'Hi Sam it's Lily again. Sam I begging you please call me back. I want you to know that it's not your fault. Tom told me what happened. It couldn't have been stopped please Sam call me back or text or something. If you don't call me back within one hour I'm coming over' end of messages. Press 1 to repeat, 2 to call back or 3 to delete.

She'd be a laughing stock now everybody knew. Sam key's in the number. 08457909090 - The Samaritans. The tears were falling thick and fast. Sam had no idea what she was going to say to whoever answered.

3 rings and a young women answered the phone:

Samaritans: hello Samaritans can I help you?  
Samantha: umm, hi my name is Sam.  
Samaritan: hi Sam, I'm Danielle. Just take your time and speak when your ready. (There is a pause as sam starts to have a panic attack) Ok Sam listen to me. Can you try and take some deep breaths for me please. Ok Sam darling I think your having a panic attack. All right, it's ok. I'm going not going anywhere. I've got all the time in the world. I'm here. (Sam starts to take deep breaths) Well done Sam, that's it, in and out. Now you've calmed down a little would you like to tell me why you've rang Samaritans today?  
Samantha: I'm not weak, I'm an doctor. I, I don't get upset.  
Danielle: I'm not here to judge you Sam and just so you know The Samaritans are 100% confidential so please don't worry.  
Samantha: um okay. Well I had a really bad day yesterday with two patients and well. Something horrific happened. It's made me feel like I should be dead. I'm scared, it's horrible.  
Danielle: can you tell me what your scared of Sam?  
Samantha: just going back to work I guess.  
Danielle: Sam I'm going to ask you a question. You don't have to answer and remember it's confidential so I can't tell anybody.  
Samantha: okay.  
Danielle: have you took steps to end your life tonight Sam? Or are you just tired?  
Samantha: well...  
Danielle: Just take your time Sam.  
Samantha: I've taken a fatal overdose of paracetamol.  
Danielle: thanks for telling me That Sam. It was quite brave of you.  
Samantha: I'm not brave I'm pathetic and disgusting.  
Danielle: disgusting? what makes you say your disgusting Sam?  
Samantha: because of what happened at work...  
Danielle: do you think you could tell me about it?  
Samantha: well, umm, I...  
Danielle: it's okay take your time. Like I said I'm not going anywhere.  
Samantha: I had two male patients and I was with the first one. he had unusual bloods so I sent one of my nurses to get Ash (the consultant) and she was gone around half an hour I guess she got caught up in something else. But em, whilst she was gone my patient woke up from his nap and pinned me down on the floor and I started to panic. Robyn still wasn't back and my other patient who said he couldn't feel his legs pulled the curtain round and both men raped me. I'm so weak and disgusting and I can't even deal with this right now. (Sobbing)  
Danielle: Sam, sweetheart. I'm so, so sorry. Have you reported it?  
Samantha: no of course not. I'm ex army. After it happened I was crying and one of the men hit me over the head and I put my scrubs back on. Then my ex Tom came in and stitched my head. I told him to keep quite. I couldn't really tell him, I just sobbed. Lily(know it all foundation doctor) walked in and saw me in tears. I'm so embarrassed.  
Danielle: you have nothing to be embarrassed about love. And just because you we're in the army doesn't mean you can't report it. I'm sure nobody will think any less of you Sam. What's happened to you is not your fault. You know that don't you.  
Samantha: no it is my fault.  
Danielle: oh Sam. Listen Samaritans offer a call back for people who needs support would you be willing to give me your number and I can arrange for somebody to call you back? In the morning perhaps?  
Samantha: thank you for the offer but by the looks of things I'm going to die before then.  
Danielle: how many tablets did you take Sam?  
Samantha: 300 all together.  
Danielle: how long ago did you take then Hun?  
Samantha: about 20 minutes before I rang?  
Danielle: 300 did you say?  
Samantha: yes 300. Toxicity level at around 3570.08mg per litre. Well above the 200mg per litre that is recommended treatment level for a patient of my size.  
Danielle: okay. You really are a doctor aren't you. How are you feeling physically?  
Samantha: well, upper right abdo pain which is general for overdose patients and slight headache maybe caused by all the crying and drowsiness but I'm okay.  
Danielle: okay, do you think you need medical attention Sam?  
Samantha: in my professional opinion. I would say yes but I'm not at work.  
Danielle: would you like us to call an ambulance for you Sam. We can do that if you tell us where you are.  
Samantha: no thanks please don't ring anybody.  
Danielle: ok, don't worry I'm not going to ring anybody unless you want me to.  
Samantha: thanks. Hopefully I'll be gone soon.  
Danielle: would you like me to stay with you?  
Samantha: that would be good. Thanks. Oh and thanks for what you've already done.  
Danielle: that's what we are here for Sam. What do you think it would be like to die Sam?  
Sam: well, my little sister died when she was 8 and I asked her the same question and she said 'sammy when you die, you turn into a star. That's why I'm not scared because ill look after you now' I think I'll be with my sister.  
Danielle: that's a lovely thought. When did your sister die Sam?  
Sam: When I was in my last year of school. She's the reason I became a doctor. I wanted to help people like her.  
Danielle: oh Sam that's so lovely and you did it. You should be very proud!  
Samantha: Danielle?  
Danielle: yes love?  
Samantha: I'm scared and really drowsy  
Danielle: I know your scared Sam. I know. So you want us to get you some help?  
Samantha: no thank you!  
Danielle: ok.

All if a sudden there is a loud knock at Sam's front door. There was a pause before she spoke.

Samantha: Danielle? I have to go. Somebody is at my front door.  
Danielle: okay Sam thanks for your call its beena pleasure speaking to you take care.  
Samantha: thanks, you too oh and Danielle?  
Danielle: yes  
Samantha: thank you.  
Danielle your welcome. Bye Sam  
Samantha bye.


	3. Lily Chow to the rescue

**_Thanks for the reviews guys! Means a lot. Hopefully will update again really soon.  
RHS25 - 8 paracetamol isn't a fatal dosage unless you under 16.I'm a student nurse and we've had patients with overdoses ranging from 11-141 tablets and still lived. some needing medical treatment some not. It is dependant on the person. :)_**

Lily knocked on the door again. 'Sam please let me in. I can help you? I understand,' She pleaded. Sam slowly walked towards the front door. She was panicking and feeling rather dizzy.  
'Please Sam, at least answer me?' She was getting increasingly worried.  
As Sam approached the mirror in her hallway she Saw how pain she looked. Her face was as white as a sheet and ever her eyes were dilated. Blackness washed over her for a second or two, he tried to steady herself on the wall.  
'Please Sam? I'm not here as a doctor I'm here as a friend!' Lily said deflated. Sam knew that this was a big step for Lily so she slowly walked towards the door. The darkness washed over her again and she fainted hitting her hair on the table next to her door.

Lily heard a bang and panicked. Sam must have a spare key, she though. If this was a patient Lily knew she only had a few minutes. She peered through the letter box. She saw Sam laid their in a heap. Losing blood from her left arm and head. She also looked very pale.

Lily lifted the doormat from where she was stood and saw a note saying 'nice try Tom.' She then reached the top of the doorframe and found the spare key.

She opened the door and rushed straight over to Sam. 'Sam can you here me darling? It's Lily Chow?' There was no response. Lily put Sam in the recovery position and assessed her injuries. She made a mental note. Lily saw sam's left arm and sighed. 'Oh Sam,' she said pulling out her mobile.

Lily had a text message. With all the commotion she'd forgotten to check it since she left work. 'Im really sorry love Sam' Lily got to her feet and phoned Jeff.

'Jeff, are you and Dixie on a shout' she asked directly as soon as he picked up. 'No Lily, we're on a ten minute break. Is there something you needed?' She responded. 'Patient Samantha Nicholls 31 years old GCS is 4, radial pulse very weak, temperature seems to be cold and KO'd. Head trauma caused by a fall and self harm injury o left arm. You need to come immediately but discreetly.' In shock all Jeff managed to say was ' ok princess'

Lily stayed with Sam. 'I know you cannot hear me Sam but I wanted you to know something. I really care about you. You've taught me so much and I'm so grateful. You're the only friend I've ver had' Tears began to sting Lily's eyes and roll down her face. Get a grip Lily chow, she thought to herself.

A knock on the front door was heard and Lily composed herself before opening the door. Dixie saw Sam and ran straight over to her. 'Spinal board and 10 saline please Jeff, pupils are dilated. Lily has Sam taken an overdose?' Dixie asked her. 'I, I don't know?' She answered. 'Okay, go into Sam's bedroom and study room see if you can find anything' Lily nodded.

Lily walked into Sam's bedroom first. There was a picture of all the ED staff on a canvas on the feature wall. It was taken at the Christmas party. It was lovely. There was a lovely aroma of flowers in the room and it was a pale pink colour. I thought Sam hated pink, Lily though to herself. With no evidence of any tablets, Lily tried the Study.

This room was blue. It had files as paperwork everywhere. I huge contrast from Sam's bedroom. Lily noticed the puddle of dark red blood on the floor. She also saw the knife still had blood on it. Lily close her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened Sam's top draw and found 18 empty packets of paracetamol.

Lily ran to the hallway. 'I found these Dixie' she blurted. 'Shut' Dixie responded. Dixie grabbed he radio. 'Jeffrey we need to get Sam in now' 'outside the door princess' Jeff said.

The two shocked paramedics put Sam onto the spinal board and strapped her in. Lily just looked at the scene unfolding before her. Was she going to Lose her friend, she didn't know.

Tears ran down Lily, Jeff and Dixie's face. Holby city's best doctor had tried to kill herself and nobody knew if she was going to live. Lily again composed herself 'Jeff take her to St James, she wouldn't want everybody knowing' lily said trying to preserve Sam's dignity.


	4. Awkward ambulance ride

**Thank you all for the nice reviews. I'm going to try and update at least once a week but I'm currently writing my own book so it might not be as frequent if I'm stuck with it. Thanks for reading. Hope you all have a nice day.**

Once in the ambulance Dixie and Lily strapped Sam to the bed. She laid there looking so peaceful and vulnerable. Something Samantha Nicholls never showed, yet here she was. Lily stroked Sam's hair and whispered 'it will be okay Sam. Your safe with us.' Into her ear.

Dixie looked puzzled. She'd never seen this side of Lily. At work, Lily was always straight to the point, serious and sometimes uncaring but now she was comforting, warm and seemed to be loving towards Sam. It was lovely to see such a change.

Dixie checked Sam's vital signs and told Jeff to blue light them to hospital. 'Lily?' Dixie asked. 'Yes?' She replied immediately. 'Do you know why Sam would do this? I mean it's not like her?' She asked. 'I assume you want to know for your paperwork or just as a concerned friend but I can only tell you what I know. Yesterday around 6.59pm, Sam and Tom were in a cubical. Her patient was missing and there was blood of her scrubs. She was crying into Tom's chest but I'm afraid I cannot tell you more than what I saw.' She said straight to the point.

Lily did know what happened before hand (she'd found a note explaining on Sam's desk when she was looking for tablets) but she wasn't going to tell Dixie. It was idol gossip and she was sure Sam wouldn't want the world to know.

It took Jeff 8 minutes to get to St James hospital. Dixie and Lily were silent int he back of the ambulance until they arrived. 'Dixie, please will you tell Zoe or Ash that me and Sam need emergency leave for around 9 days and that I will contact her tomorrow morning at 10.45? I'm going to stay with Sam' she announced. 'Yes of course. I'm impressed Lily, I've never seen this side if you before!' Dixie answered. 'Sam is my friend and I'll do hat I can for her' Lily replied.

Dixie approached a nurse to give handover of Sam's care. Meanwhile Jeff took Sam to Rhesus, with Lily following behind her. This was going to be an emotional night she could tell.


	5. A and E

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while I've been very poorly. Thanks for the lovely reviews. Sorry this chapter is short but I'm at work. Hopefully an update tomorrow. Enjoy ❤ love Bethanie X**

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At the door of St James hospital, Lily stared. It wasn't as lavish as Holby. It was a basic hospital and didn't have much going for it. It was quiet, so unlike the busy atmosphere of the ED. Lily found it eery.

The department was busy. Sam was rushed straight to Rhesus. She just laid there, still breathing but laid still.

Lily took a deep breath and headed to the waiting room. There was nothing the nurses and doctors of St James' hospital would let her do.

A young, thin nurse by the name of Katie approached Samantha and began to assess her. Usually after a person who has taken tablets there are a few things to do. A blood test, the patients weight, blood gases test, saline and a SADPERSONS score.

Katie pushed back Sam's hair, 'hello Sam, my name is Katie, I'm going to be looking after you whilst your here in A and E alright? I'm just going to take your vital signs.' Katie said sweetly. The brunette nurse couldn't have been older than twenty two.

Nevertheless she started to take Sam's blood pressure. 50/70 a little low but considering the situation it was to be expected. Her temperature and pulse were normal. Her sats were a little low at 86% so Katie placed a nasal oxygen tube onto Sam's nose.

A few minutes later the doctor came to assess Sam. Dr Emma O'Reilly was a F2. She was a chubby blonde women with a strange dress sense. (She was wearing red tartan trousers and a yellow top) She was very warmhearted and had a strong Irish accent.

'Katie, I need a full blood count and start Sam on the Acetylcysteine 60 minute bag and 5% glucose ad some anti sickness. She needs a head CT and some stitches for her head.' Emma explained to Katie. Katie did as Emma asked and soon came back to Sam.

Katie came back with a yellow tray. She attached a cannula to Sam's arm and took 6 bottles of blood, she then fixed the Cannula in place and wiped her hands clean. Katie gave the blood bottles to Emma and went off to get a drip stand.

A few minutes later Katie returned with two bags of fluid and a drip stand. 'Emma do you want me to cannulate her other hand for the glucose?' Katie asked Emma. 'Yeah please, I wonder why she did this to herself?' Emma commented.


	6. Lily's soft side

Lily paced nervously in the visitors room. This was so much harder from the other side. Lily hadn't realised the anticipation relatives must feel whilst waiting for news of their loved ones condition.

Lily never had any friends and her family wanted nothing to do with her. She'd always been a social outcast. Sometimes she thought it was easier that way. Nothing could touch her that way.

As stern faced and unsympathetic as Lily seemed, she was just as vulnerable as Sam. Behind the straight to the point doctor was a women who wanted to be loved. Just like Sam, Lily couldn't let her guard down because it made her weak and she couldn't have that.

She wanted to be a great doctor and nothing could stand in her way. That was until she saw Sam bawling her eyes out in Tom's arms and the memories of her own struggle came flooding back. Even her husband never knew anything about it.

Even with her first mental health patient out of the way, Lily had never seen anybody in the amount of pain Sam was in.

Lily sat on the sofa in the visitors room, tapping her fingers together. She was so agitated that she started pacing again.

After a long while, Emma came into the room.  
'Hi Lily, Sam's friend right?' She said quietly.  
'That is correct.' Lily said nodding.  
'She's stable for the moment, we've started her on the paracetamol antidote and stitched her wounds. Her CT scan was clear and she's recovering well. We took some blood tests from Sam and her paracetamol concentration is quite high but we are treating it. Sam has a good chance as she came in 3 hours after ingestion. Any questions?' Emma informed Lily. Lily stared at the Irish doctor. There were so many questions but ones she was too afraid to ask.  
'No, i don't have any. Is there anything you need to ask me?' Lily said unsurely.  
'I do have one question. From Sam's notes I understand that she is an emergency Doctor. Is there anything that triggered this suicide attempt?' Emma asked carefully.  
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew this was coming. 'Yes actually there is. Sam was at work in the ED yesterday and she was attacked by two patients. She hasn't reported it and as far as I know hasn't told anybody, not even her partner or me. I only know as it's written on a piece of paper in her study. Please treat this matter with great confidentiality.' Lily explained.  
'Poor Sam, and yes of course. Can I get you anything Lily?' Emma asked.  
'Please, do not pity Sam. She would not like it and no thank you, can I see Dr N... I mean Sam now?' Lily said slightly annoyed.  
'Certainly, follow me.' Emma replied.

Lily followed Emma threw the door and down a rather crowded corridor. She walked past several room revealing mostly drunk or elderly patients and they finally got to the nurses station. Across from the nurses station was Rhesus and there was Sam laid peacefully sleeping; wires attached at all angles but nevertheless sleeping.

Lily stepped towards Sam and slipped her hand into Sam's. 'it's ok Sam. I'm here.' She said, tucking Sam's hair behind her ear.

An hour passed and Sam was placed on the next drip. This one would last four hours. Sam was escorted by Emma to the Acute Medical Unit where they could closely minister her progress. Lily never left her side.

Once Sam was settled on the ward, Lily went in search of a cup of coffee. A sweet young nurse offered to make one for her, so she returned to Sam's side.

'I know what's happened to you is horrible Sam but I want you to know from now on I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what. Because your the most amazing person I've ever met and once your better I'll make sure you see it too.' Lily said to Sam, with tears forming in her eyes.

The young nurse stood next to Sam's bed with Lily's coffee in her hand. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you. Most people would have left by now but you haven't. Sam would be very grateful.' She said to Lily. Lily smiled in appreciation and sipped her coffee.

Sam's eyes flickered open.


End file.
